21 Things I've Learned In My 21 Years

1. It is not about you. Let's start it off with an easy (eh) one. Self-explanatory, yet the hardest one to fully grasp and live out. 

2. When someone says that he wants to be with you, he will be with you. [He = he/she. You know.] When a family member, friend, or lover says that he wants to be with you, he will make it happen. You've heard it said that actions speak louder than words. And what you've heard is true. If he cares about you, he will be there. Amen. 

3. If  he cares about you, and he cannot be there physically, he will be there in any other way he knows how. Checking up on you constantly. Calling. Texting. Emailing funny photos. Example: (some of) my sweet Nashville pals continuously stay in contact even if I haven't seen them in over a year. It's like I've never left. And they haven't either. #friendship.

4. Ice cream tastes better when it's raining. It's a proven fact; I have nothing else to say about this subject.

5. People grow and situations change. I was going to say that people change, but I think that people just continuously learn about themselves, which ends up making situations different. Always. You grow. You learn to adapt. And that's life. And it's awesome. 

6. You can learn a whole lotta life lessons from dogs. I personally wouldn't lick someone to pieces as soon as they enter a room, but I find it completely appropriate to bear-hug-jump-tackle someone to the ground (out of love).

7. It's important to start your day with the mindset of "I get to.." You don't really have to do anything. Every day is a beautiful gift, and you should be thankful. Think "I get to.." vs. "I need to.." How cheesy is that? ...but HOW TRUE IS THAT? AM I RIGHT?!

8. People actually do not ask other people on dates anymore. You can be that kid reading this thinking, "Hope! I know plenty of people who ask other people on dates!! Just the other day I messaged a girl--" You can stop right here, buddy. Never in my twenty-one years of living have I been personally approached, in real life, by a man, asking to take me out to dinner. No, I will not go out with you via facebook/text/email message. You can man up and ask me in real life, though. Excuse that wave of tartness that just overtook the keyboard.

9. Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year. Christmastime genuinely feels like magic. Coffee tastes better, human beings are nicer (unless you're at the mall), and houses are SPARKLY! AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC. AND SWEATERS. Stop. How many days until Christmas? 

10. Hey, maybe if you're allergic to something, you should not eat it. Speaking of Christmas.. Ginger(bread), I love you. I love everything about you: your scent, the way you look all cute when you're shaped like a lil cookie man.. but this just isn't working out. My throat swells up every time I'm around you. If you love something let it go... 

11. Bitterness does not look pretty on anyone. Y'know, that relationship that ended over a year ago? Let it go. Stop talking about it. Move on with your beautiful life and stop drinking that haterade. I was bitter one time after a relationship, and I eventually ended up annoying myself. Soz, y'all. Be the golden person and just forgive, hug it out, and move on. 

12. Guilty pleasures do not exist. They just don't. You like what you like, and there's that. Embrace your weirdness. I don't care if you like reading those Twilight books, as long as you don't mind that I jam out to One Direction really, really hard. Once you truly get to know someone, you find out they're one of the strangest people you've ever met. Everyone is. That doesn't even make sense, but it does. Let's be real: life is way more fun when you talk with random accents and sing every other sentence.

13. Night drives are the best drives. When you need to get away, or sing too loud with crazy arm movements (that look like choreographed dance moves in your head, I know), do it at night. The black sky paired with the white lines is soothing. And no one can see you having your own car concert in the darkness.

14. Life does not end after college. To everyone who told me that "college is the best time of your life", you are wrong. Every day is the best time of my life. I left college a year ago and my life keeps getting better and better. Maybe it has something to do with your outlook. 

15. Nobody has it all figured out. Majority of people use a glamorous spotlight to showcase their life. If you spend your time thinking that you're the only one with problems, you will only focus on your behind-the-scenes. Life is fun. 

16. You should wear sunscreen. You really should. I'm just looking out for your safety, babe. I gotchu.

17. Saving money is easy and worth it. I mean, I know I'm only 21, but I wish I would have grasped this sooner. It's not hard to put a little money aside here and there. Shout out to my boy Dave Ramsey. 

18. Expectations can (and will) shadow reality. Don't try to fit the reality into the box of expectation that your mind has created. Experience, and enjoy. 

19. Flirting is hard, and I don't understand it. I don't. The word "flirt" even makes me laugh. How do you flirt? I mean, I know I do it, but is it just second nature to me? Is that bad? Boys flirt weird. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable because they're so awkward, but I like it. Is that what flirting is? I'm still confused. Does anyone know what your sad winky face means? ;(

20. My parents have always had my best interest at heart. And they are awesome. They're hilarious. Have you met my parents? They are gems. My whole family (grandmas, sister, cousins, etc.) is a blessing, but like...my parents, though. www.thebomb.com 

21. You have a lot more inside of you than you think. "Be strong and courageous." You are an overcomer. When you think you're done, you are actually for sure not. You can keep going. Stretch yourself. Bend yourself to the point of almost breaking, and see where you end up. Life is beautiful when you realize that the God who created the most breathtaking mountains, refreshing breeze, and powerful sun...created you.

This Is Not a Post about Boybands

This is a post about people hating on things that bring joy to others.

What makes a guilty pleasure a guilty pleasure? Because it's "uncool"? I am confused. Who decides what is cool and what's not? Because I know a few people who think that they do..

I have been made fun of for a big bunch of my life for liking boybands.. I don't really understand why people like to pick on me for enjoying myself at a fun show, and I can also assure you that I do not actually think I am going to date a lil boyband boy. I just genuinely enjoy going to shows, and dancing like a loser, and squealing over adorable humans. And snapchatting their musical director what who said that.

This post is not about boybands. It is about me realizing that a lot of people in my life think they are cooler than they really are and like to make fun of me for not being as cool as them. Just kidding. It's about others tearing people down, whether purposefully or not, for liking certain things. I don't make fun of you for liking video games. Even though I think video games are a big waste of time. But you enjoy it. So you do you. And I'm going to do me!

I think a lot of people try to be funny, but end up hurting feelings in the process. Not even just hurting feelings, but crushing souls. That might sound a little ridiculous, but when the people surrounding me continuously dig at me for my "guilty pleasures", it is going to hurt. And I'm going to stop liking what I like. Or try to hide it. Which is really crushing, since that essentially means I am changing myself just because other people don't like me being me. No one deserves to be harassed for liking something that brings them happiness. Ever. It's never, ever going to be funny. Well, maybe the first time. Or second or third. But after the 33 millionth time, it gets a little old.

No one should have to make an excuse for something that brings them joy. If it's not destroying my life, or anyone else's, or disrespecting God, then maybe you should hop off my back a little bit.

BUT CAN I PLEASE GO TO A ONE DIRECTION CONCERT WITHOUT GETTING TEXTS AND TWEETS AND MESSAGES FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS FROM JERKS WHO THNK IT'S FUNNY TO BE JERKS.

...for real, this post is not about me and five precious European boys. It's just inspired by my experiences. Which is why it's my blog I guess, huh.

I guess if you're going to make fun of someone, well...don't. Xxo

What Could You Possibly Know About My Dreams?

"I used to think God guided us by opening and closing doors, but now I know sometimes God wants us to kick some doors down." Bob Goff, my main man.

When you work at Disney World, you are brainwashed into believing dreams always come true. You are encouraged to use your imagination and, in my case, begin to question the difference between fantasy and reality. Your reality essentially becomes a fantasy. At first, I was all, "YO MAGIC THIS IS SO RAD DREAMS WOO HOO YEAH MICKEY AND LOVE AND DOLE WHIPS!" and then, about two months in, I was like, "...so, does it ever get cold here? Is it a requirement for Disney cast members to be handsome? Are people really this happy or am I the only one who has an occasional bad day?" And, if we're being real (which we are 'cos I'm writing a blog, y'all), I started to think the Disney mindset was a big joke. I thought that everything was fake. I felt very limited. I wanted the sun to hide behind the clouds for a while and I wanted to stand outside and freeze to death even though I was in Florida. And I wanted to be pissed about it. I wanted that cute boy with the perfect smile to get a zit JUST ONCE(!!!). I wanted people to be real, but I was in a fantasy world.

God placed a dream in my heart, and that dream was to go back to Nashville. I didn't know how I was going to make that happen, which really begun to wear me down. Life is expensive, and Nashville is expensive, and Belmont is expensive...and that's all I could think about. Every day. Expenses. I spent my time trying to make plans instead of trusting Jesus with my dream (the One who GAVE ME the dream). Face palm. I'm not saying we can just sit back when Jesus gives us a dream, but I was focusing too much on what seemed like barriers of mountains when, in fact, they're simply lil' pebbles when I'm walking with my God.  

I was ready to head back into "reality" until, well...a few days ago. Before that, I only wanted to be back in Nashville with my big-hearted friends hugging each other and drinking coffee and being cold sometimes. A few days ago, my sweet Gammy, momma, and sissy came to visit for a quick, beautiful weekend...and I got to experience the "Disney dream" with my loved ones. Very fortunately, I have been to Disney World at least 73 million times, but this time, it was different. I was watching the faces of people believing in magic for the first time in a long time. I was believing, myself, that dreams really do always come true if we have the courage to follow them. I actually believed it for the first time in a long time. I was watching Beauty and the Beast at Hollywood Studios and Belle said, "What could you possibly know about my dreams?" and I CRIED. I cried for the entire remainder of the show because I am a sentimental bundle of estrogen.

What my homegirl Belle said made me think: what does anyone know about my dreams? They don't. These dreams are between me and Jesus. What kind of dream is an "easy" dream? What kind of dream is a dream you can afford? Where's the trust in that? Where's the FUN in that?! When we follow Jesus, the Giver of our dreams, the Lover of our soul, our trust--our JOY--our relationship with Him flourishes into exactly what He has in mind for us. And what I unfortunately tend to forget is that God, through His mighty power at work within us, is able to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT IS?! Our dreams are nothing compared to the glorious dreams He has dreamed for us.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders
let me walk upon the waters
wherever You would call me
take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence of my Savior

Proverbs 13:12-- "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life." I am so thankful that God places dreams in my heart and new mercies every morning to keep me focused on Him and all that He has in store. Finally realizing that the dreams He has given to me will be fulfilled just removes a weight that has been hanging over me far too long. I'll have to work hard to make this happen, but I'll be working with the One who loves and believes in me more than I can fathom. I am beyond excited to be living in Orlando for the next two months, soaking up the "if you can dream it, you can do it" attitude and spending koala tea time with my new friends from all over the world. Jim Elliott once said, "Wherever you are, be all there!" And I will be.

See ya soon, Nashville. Xxo

A Sunday Kind of Love

I think when you're in your twenties, the idea of love becomes overwhelming all of a sudden. Or perhaps, when your heart gets destroyed all of a sudden, love is overwhelming. Maybe love is overwhelming because I spend too much time reading the poems of Pablo Neruda.

Dreaming about a seemingly unrealistic love keeps me hopeful, and focused, 

so I will write.

A Sunday kind of love: a love to last past Saturday night. A Sunday kind of love has been through the chaos and excitement of Friday and Saturday, and craves to stay in bed with you as long as Sunday will allow. A Sunday kind of love is ready to take on the Mondays,Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays with patience and forgiveness. I want a Sunday kind of love that breathes easy and reminds me to do the same. A Sunday kind of love rests on the cool grass and watches the sky change colors in silence that's not quite silence. In the darkest nights, a Sunday kind of love wraps you up when your fears are creeping from under the bed.

The waves crash onto the sand and the salt floats through the thick air onto your vulnerable skin, but a Sunday kind of love mends the cuts. A Sunday kind of love holds tightly to your hand until the world eases its grip. I want a Sunday kind of love that tenderly recollects passionate nights over blueberry pancakes and laughing eyes. A sunrise is nothing in comparison to the compassion that emits from the golden eyes of a Sunday kind of love. When your eyes close from the harshness of the world, a Sunday kind of love encourages you to continue dreaming.

I want a Sunday kind of love that dreams along with me.

Is Separation Necessary for Personal Growth?

If I could kick myself in the mouth, I would do it.

I want to kick myself for starting this blog so late into my college program,

and I want to kick myself for starting this blog at all.

I figured writing a "real blog" would keep me from sounding like an immature bitty via tumblr text posts. I don't know what it is about typing down and throwing out thoughts into the internet, but it feels lovely. Maybe someone needs to read it. Maybe it makes me feel important, like people actually read what I think because they care about my life. Or they're just nosy. Which still means they care. You obviously care. Hi.

My trainer told me two weeks ago to start blogging because I have a lot of feelings that I will want to remember someday, so here I am. Writing to feel and remember and forget. Public writing is strange because it just is. 

I moved to Orlando five months ago at the end of August because yolo. In all seriousness, it truly was a you-only-live-once decision. I get restless when I am in the same place for too long, but doesn't everyone? Some folk have a higher tolerance for leading a boring life, I guess. I loved the one year I spent in college. It was great. My friends in Nashville have the biggest hearts I have ever encountered, but I was stuck. I entered college a sensitive, close-minded psycho (for lack of a better word) and left the same. I was mentally unstable, emotionally unavailable, and depended way too much on other humans. Something was missing. I was.

The past six months have destroyed me. I was abandoned, ripped apart, and crushed. It was partially my fault, but I guess it always is. I essentially had to rebuild myself, by myself. I was alone, but I needed to be. Last year, my writing professor asked, "Is separation necessary for personal growth?" That thought has consumed my mind over the past half-year and all I have to say is, "YES!!!(a million exclamation points!)". All that has surrounded me since birth was stripped away and I was forced to reconstruct myself into the person I want to be. I learned more about myself when there was nothing left, which makes no sense whatsoever when I type it out. But I had to choose for myself, and stand up for truth, and embrace and express my feelings more than I ever had. I love until my heart feels like bursting, I cry until the tears turn into beautiful memories, and I smile until my face hurts because, as cheesy as this sounds, life is too precious to conceal emotions. This quote from Kurt Vonnegut always makes me feel sparkly inside:

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"

I am happy.
I don't think one ever stops growing, but I like where I am at.

You know when everything in your life is rather peachy and you're just waiting for the collapse? That's where I am now. I keep telling that to friends when they ask how I'm doing, and they usually just laugh and agree. Yesterday, a new friend told me, "Maybe you just got out of something awful, but you don't remember because now you're so happy." Perhaps I have just now walked out of the rain and into the sunniest sunshine, but I forgot about the rain because the sun is so bright and warm and forgiving. 

I am thankful for yolo decisions and separation. I am thankful that God has never left my side through it all. I am thankful for His unfailing love, His forgiveness, His patience, and His ability to make all things new.